Searching for Sacred

I find myself in the tense space between dreams and practicality.   I am wrestling with living out a “calling” and doing what is necessary for my family. I often asked others, “If money were a non-factor, what would you do with your life?”   This question is aimed to help in searching out one’s calling, giftedness, and identity.   My answer:   write, have deep conversations about things that really matter, help people heal, and tend a few acres of land.   Of course, my dream includes having my family around me, hiking in the woods, and helping my children grow into mature, compassionate, and thoughtful adults.   In my mind, it sounds like a perfect life. My husband also has a dream of having some land around him.   We contacted a realtor and started looking at some options.   There are land and houses to be had within our budget, but we started assessing what we would trade off.   We have a great house, and we have put a lot of work int...

Yesterday, I came face to face with the question, “What is compassion?”   I am regretting my response; my seeming lack of love and mercy towards the stranger-neighbor who crossed my path.   I have always been taught and come to believe that we are to love one another.   This love included a holding back of judgment in regards to surface realities.   If you peeked into my heart and could see the thoughts I harbored, you would find contrary evidence to my spoken belief. Yesterday, I took the kids to the Y pool.   It was 94 and sunny, so you can imagine the crowd of fellow patrons seeking cool relief.   We found chairs and arranged out towels.   We left our chairs to enjoy a picnic lunch.   We returned to find one of our towels had been removed and someone else’s stuff in its place.   I see the woman who orchestrated the chair stealing – I have seen and observed her before.   She was a tough woman with obvious signs of a hard life. ...

Looking at sin, especially the sin in my own life has historically been a signal to bring on the shame. I might as well have stood in front of a mirror and waved a wagging finger in front of my face. It is no surprise that thinking of an examination of conscience would bring about feelings of dread and avoidance. Lately I have come to see this assumption as an irrational belief. Looking at my own sinful ways is actually a gift. It is an invitation to set aside my false self and become more of the person I was designed to be. It is an invitation of movement closer to my True self; toward the better me. This brings me to an honest confession. In my own examination of conscience I have looked at the role of vices in my life. Pride and envy are obvious, though I certainly wish they were less oppressive. But, I have maintained a blind eye to presence of greed in my soul. It was easy to ignore avarice. On the surface I am generous with my possessions -- with my material goods....

A week ago, I spotted a new bird sitting on our fence.   I was struck by his beauty.   His song, one I had never heard – a sweet cackle.   He presented as friendly, allowing me to approach him with only a few feet separating us.   Curiosity grabbed hold of me.   I researched.   He is a common house martin.   I began looking for him.   I found myself needing to see him. I continued to see him.   And then she joined our party of curious encounters.   It seemed as though we studied one another.   I sat in frequent anticipation hoping to have just one more look.   One more moment of watching, hearing, and noticing them.   They were doing something for me – giving me something I could not quite put my finger on. I continued to anticipate their presence.   These past few days, they have joined our home.   Just inches outside our porch, they are building a nest in an ugly, old birdhouse.   I almost threw it...

Ashley Judd is the latest celebrity in the spotlight of scrutiny for her physical appearance.   Her face is puffy.   Critics assumed she had work done.   The reality, she was ill for a month and was taking steroids.   In addition, she confessed to not working out for six months and consequently gained weight.   Society deems her size 8 no longer thin and beautiful. Ms. Judd answered her critics in a thought provoking article( click here to read Ashley Judd's article ) .   Apart from raising awareness of how we are quick to judge and criticize one another based solely on appearance, she invited us into a conversation.   She asked the following questions:   “ Why was a puffy face cause for such a conversation in the first place? How, and why, did people participate? If not in the conversation about me, in parallel ones about women in your sphere? What is the gloating about? What is the condemnation about? What is the self-righteous alleged “all...

My heart is broken, or at least that is how it has felt the last couple of weeks.   I have been moved by discussions of race and social injustice, and noticed our knee jerk reactions to blame and accuse “those people” on both sides of the issue.   In the news, I learned that my former tennis coach was arrested for sexual misconduct with a 14-year-old student.   Outraged comments poured forth, “Yet another Christian pervert . . . let him burn in hell.”   We are quick to point fingers of harsh judgment and condemnation believing we would never act in such a devious way. We choose to blame and accuse in hopes to find reason and meaning into senseless acts. There seems to be a shortage of dialogue and an unwillingness to look deep into ourselves.   To see that we too have the capacity to destroy lives either through our direct actions or through our silence.   I have been intrigued with the Holocaust since my adolescence.   It began with reading The ...

I did some math the other day. I have been with my husband for almost a fourth of my life. For the girl who never thought she would get married, this 23% has been amazing. I have a good marriage, in part because I am married to a good man. He is quiet, safe, and consistent. People refer to him as a “calm presence.” He has a way of comforting people without saying a single word. I knew I was going to marry him after we sat for an hour of silence under a tree listening to live folk music. There was no awkward silence, only an assurance that we were connected on a deep and meaningful level. While we are both introverts and find comfort and renewal in the silence, we are also vastly different. I am an ambitious dreamer with great aspirations for my life. I feel a pull toward a life beyond myself. I dream big and in times of enthusiasm I run after things with full speed, not always considering the path of half-done projects I have littered along the way. My husband is one who is...