Searching for Sacred

Insert foot in mouth, followed by ankle, calf, knee, oh heck, just swallow the whole leg.   This was me earlier this week.   In an attempt to fit in with the group and bring humor to the table, I ended up being completely insensitive and ate a whole lot of crow.   My obsessive brain replayed the tape over and over again for hours.   I go home, sleep, wake up and the tape started yet again.   Then the shame voice, “You are an idiot.”   The rationale voice tried to talk louder than the shame tantrum.   It was a mistake (a big one), but no one died.   There will be opportunity for repair.   I am human and I errored.   After 24 hours, my rational brain won and the obsessive loop of shame settled down.   The whispers of shame are still there, but it is no longer the dominant voice. I spent a little extra time this morning reflecting on what exactly happened that led up to the tasty crow and the subsequent obsessive loop.   A...

I had an unhealthy obsession with all things Holocaust as an adolescent.   Much of this obsession centered around understanding resilience in the face of the unthinkable.   I cannot remember which I read first, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom or The Diary of Anne Frank , but both works completely changed my life.   It set a trajectory of many term papers to come along with reading the wisdom of Eli Wiesel and Victor Frankl.   And for years, the fascination remained – why did some not only survive, but also maintain hope and compassion? I have a recurring dream where I am some type of resistance worker being chased by secret police.   I am always wary of my surroundings and keenly attuned to the fact that I carry papers that represent peoples lives.   I often am searching for food and safe hiding places.   I connect this dream to seeing myself as a rebellious survivor.   Recently, I was commenting on this obsession and it was suggested ...

Don’t judge a book by the cover.   Or as my oldest child who happens to be a foodie would say, “Don’t judge food based on how it looks” (this coming from the kid that eats braunschwager like its candy).   For those not familiar with braunschwager, think liverwurst. One of the highlights of my ER job is all the interesting people and stories I get to meet.     People usually do not come into the hospital looking their best, so it is hard to imagine them outside of looking ill, injured, and broken.   But if I get past the surface, there is a wealth of stories.   The other night, I helped checked in a man who won an Academy Award.   I have taken care of a POW shot down over Munich in WWII.   I had a patient who spent a few years in a POW camp in Danang, Vietnam.     I have taken care of Holocaust survivors.   I took care of someone who rescued stranded hikers from the National parks.   On the surface, they are the forgot...