I started praying again. This sentence suggests a period of time where prayer was absent from my life, and that would be accurate. I used to pray for very specific things, as if God were a genie – I rub the lamp, state my wish, and “poof” it would magically appear. If God failed to meet my request, my insecurities silently cried and questioned my worth. Eventually, God’s silence brought forth anger within me -- “God is absent. God is dead. I do not need God.”
My journey back to prayer has been a slow process. I first had to all the layer of anger to melt away. Healing and peace have been a wonderful blessing. But under this layer were core questions regarding the role of God, humans, and prayer. Are we pawns in God’s cosmic game of chess and therefore prayer has no impact on outcome? Is God a genie-god waiting for us to state our wish, plea out case, and then respond? While there are theological schools of thought that would affirm each god-image, I cannot believe both fall short in capturing both the human condition and God.
This weekend, I started praying for a little girl diagnosed with stage-four cancer. I know her family and cannot fathom the immense pain they are experiencing. Of course, I want a miracle to happen for this child – for her cancer to be the type that responds to treatment, for the tumor to be able to be removed surgically, and for her to recover, heal, and grow to a ripe old age. I pray for this family.
Part of me prays for the miracle, begs for physical healing, and I do believe God hears these pleas. I do not know if they alter the outcome. Mostly though, I remember this family in prayer. As I lift up their names, my heart breaks and tears stream down my face. I hurt for them and with them. I hope for them and with them as they navigate through this storm of not-knowing. When I remember them, I am suffering with them. As God is present in the middle of these prayers, I believe his heart is also broken.
Prayer is intimacy with God and with the Body of Christ. It is being fully present with our thoughts and emotions as we walk through whatever terrain is before us. We may not always choose the landscape. At times we may walk through a desert, jungle, frozen tundra, or tropical paradise – sometimes all in the matter of one day. Prayer is the reminder that we do not walk the path alone.
Prayer is entering the terrain with God. It is also entering with our brothers and sisters, neighbors, and strangers. When we pray for one another, when we empathize and walk the journey together, we are also expressing our oneness. We are one body. We are one in Christ.
My journey back to prayer has been a slow process. I first had to all the layer of anger to melt away. Healing and peace have been a wonderful blessing. But under this layer were core questions regarding the role of God, humans, and prayer. Are we pawns in God’s cosmic game of chess and therefore prayer has no impact on outcome? Is God a genie-god waiting for us to state our wish, plea out case, and then respond? While there are theological schools of thought that would affirm each god-image, I cannot believe both fall short in capturing both the human condition and God.
This weekend, I started praying for a little girl diagnosed with stage-four cancer. I know her family and cannot fathom the immense pain they are experiencing. Of course, I want a miracle to happen for this child – for her cancer to be the type that responds to treatment, for the tumor to be able to be removed surgically, and for her to recover, heal, and grow to a ripe old age. I pray for this family.
Part of me prays for the miracle, begs for physical healing, and I do believe God hears these pleas. I do not know if they alter the outcome. Mostly though, I remember this family in prayer. As I lift up their names, my heart breaks and tears stream down my face. I hurt for them and with them. I hope for them and with them as they navigate through this storm of not-knowing. When I remember them, I am suffering with them. As God is present in the middle of these prayers, I believe his heart is also broken.
Prayer is intimacy with God and with the Body of Christ. It is being fully present with our thoughts and emotions as we walk through whatever terrain is before us. We may not always choose the landscape. At times we may walk through a desert, jungle, frozen tundra, or tropical paradise – sometimes all in the matter of one day. Prayer is the reminder that we do not walk the path alone.
Prayer is entering the terrain with God. It is also entering with our brothers and sisters, neighbors, and strangers. When we pray for one another, when we empathize and walk the journey together, we are also expressing our oneness. We are one body. We are one in Christ.
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