I am reading St. Therese of Lisieux’s, A Story of a Soul. St. Therese, also known as the “Little Flower of Jesus,” entered the Carmelite Order at the young age of fifteen. The Order did not allow girls her age to enter, so boldly St. Therese went straight to the Bishop, and then the Pope to seek special permission. She had guts. But she also had great wisdom beyond her years. She wrote her spiritual autobiography for the Carmelite Mother prior to her early death at the age of twenty-four.
The more I read, the more I am struck by her humility. I am baffled by her passivity. Rather than engage in power struggles over what most would deem her rights, she surrenders to the aggressor and lets them win the argument. If people ‘steal’ her thoughts and insights and claim them as their own, she does not attempt to reclaim the credit. St. Therese holds a belief similar to the Buddhist philosophy of indifference – none of it is mine to begin with; I own nothing, therefore I have nothing to lose and nothing can be stolen from me. Or in the words of Jesus, “Turn the other cheek . . . go the second mile . . . and give him your coat.”
This has brought me face-to-face with my struggle with possession and personal boundaries. I want to protect my intellectual property. I want to defend my rights. I want to win arguments and prove that I am right. I want to maintain firm boundaries to protect myself from toxic people and unnecessary suffering.
For clarification, I do not believe St. Therese, Jesus, or the Buddha is asking us to intentionally throw ourselves directly in the path of suffering or toxic people just so we can be trampled upon. But I am truly pondering what humility in the face of conflict looks like. What does it really mean to turn the other cheek? Two thoughts strike me.
One, do I really own anything? The reality is, no. While I would like to claim my intellect as my own, the truth is, I was born this way. I have intelligent parents, who had intelligent parents before them. I have a personality structure that is naturally inclined to ponder over ideas and spending time alone reading and writing (INFP for those who are curious). I was born a serious thinker. In other words, the strengths of my personality were not something I initially created. Yes, the seed was fostered into growth by my environment and my choices, but I did not pick what type of seed was to be planted.
To use a metaphor from the garden – if I plant a carrot seed, I will only get a carrot. If I tend the soil, pull the weeds, and wait patiently I will get a nice, big, hearty carrot. I cannot claim I made a carrot; I only helped it to grow. When it comes to me, yes I am proud of the results my hard work has produced, but can I really claim that I made me who I am? No. I only am what I am because of certain gifts bestowed upon me – and we all have unique gifts given to us. I only had the intellectual property and ideas because of the original gifts given to me. I am the hired hand on the farm, not the owner.
My second thought is in regards to conflict, especially in fighting over my rights. I have had wise people in my life ask me, “Is this a hill you are willing to die on?” and advise to “Choose your battles wisely.” I am beginning to wonder how many arguments are worth engaging in? I cannot think of many. This is not suggesting we go voiceless. I strongly believe that in relationships it is important to hear and be heard. In therapy world we talk about “I language.” In other words, in a conflict using phrases such as “I feel . . . I want . . . I need.” The goal is to avoid “You language” that points blame. But if a person continues to be disrespectful despite my using “I language” do I need to argue and prove that I need to be respected? Probably not. It would seem they do not want to listen and I am only going to grow more frustrated in trying to be heard. I should probably just walk away.
These are my initial ramblings on the idea of owning nothing and turning the other cheek. I am still pondering, chewing, and meditating on the idea. What are your thoughts? What do you think owning nothing and turning the other cheek looks like?
The more I read, the more I am struck by her humility. I am baffled by her passivity. Rather than engage in power struggles over what most would deem her rights, she surrenders to the aggressor and lets them win the argument. If people ‘steal’ her thoughts and insights and claim them as their own, she does not attempt to reclaim the credit. St. Therese holds a belief similar to the Buddhist philosophy of indifference – none of it is mine to begin with; I own nothing, therefore I have nothing to lose and nothing can be stolen from me. Or in the words of Jesus, “Turn the other cheek . . . go the second mile . . . and give him your coat.”
This has brought me face-to-face with my struggle with possession and personal boundaries. I want to protect my intellectual property. I want to defend my rights. I want to win arguments and prove that I am right. I want to maintain firm boundaries to protect myself from toxic people and unnecessary suffering.
For clarification, I do not believe St. Therese, Jesus, or the Buddha is asking us to intentionally throw ourselves directly in the path of suffering or toxic people just so we can be trampled upon. But I am truly pondering what humility in the face of conflict looks like. What does it really mean to turn the other cheek? Two thoughts strike me.
One, do I really own anything? The reality is, no. While I would like to claim my intellect as my own, the truth is, I was born this way. I have intelligent parents, who had intelligent parents before them. I have a personality structure that is naturally inclined to ponder over ideas and spending time alone reading and writing (INFP for those who are curious). I was born a serious thinker. In other words, the strengths of my personality were not something I initially created. Yes, the seed was fostered into growth by my environment and my choices, but I did not pick what type of seed was to be planted.
To use a metaphor from the garden – if I plant a carrot seed, I will only get a carrot. If I tend the soil, pull the weeds, and wait patiently I will get a nice, big, hearty carrot. I cannot claim I made a carrot; I only helped it to grow. When it comes to me, yes I am proud of the results my hard work has produced, but can I really claim that I made me who I am? No. I only am what I am because of certain gifts bestowed upon me – and we all have unique gifts given to us. I only had the intellectual property and ideas because of the original gifts given to me. I am the hired hand on the farm, not the owner.
My second thought is in regards to conflict, especially in fighting over my rights. I have had wise people in my life ask me, “Is this a hill you are willing to die on?” and advise to “Choose your battles wisely.” I am beginning to wonder how many arguments are worth engaging in? I cannot think of many. This is not suggesting we go voiceless. I strongly believe that in relationships it is important to hear and be heard. In therapy world we talk about “I language.” In other words, in a conflict using phrases such as “I feel . . . I want . . . I need.” The goal is to avoid “You language” that points blame. But if a person continues to be disrespectful despite my using “I language” do I need to argue and prove that I need to be respected? Probably not. It would seem they do not want to listen and I am only going to grow more frustrated in trying to be heard. I should probably just walk away.
These are my initial ramblings on the idea of owning nothing and turning the other cheek. I am still pondering, chewing, and meditating on the idea. What are your thoughts? What do you think owning nothing and turning the other cheek looks like?
And here come my incomplete thoughts on this idea of owning nothing. I think the Buddhist philosophy of indifference is significantly different from what Christ calls us to when he instructs us to walk the extra mile and turn the other cheek and give the shirt off our back. If we don't own anything, then we don't care when it's taken from us. At one level, that's easy. Christ's teaching must (I think) align with His example -- it is a teaching that gives up rights to something that one has rights to. Jesus gave up glory to walk on earth and take on my sin. I can only truly give what I truly own.
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