It is the second day of Lent. I picked up a good read from the bookstore -- The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life, by James Martin, SJ. I read another of his books last year about his life with the Saints and enjoyed his wit and wisdom, and thought I would give this a go while waiting for my "more serious" Lenten reading to arrive from Amazon -- not due until February 28. I am a fifth of the way into the book and am impressed.
Fr. Martin speaks of our quest for God and who exactly God is to us. He grew up with "God the Problem Solver." This God worked until he encountered problems that were not solved. I made my own list of gods I have relationship with -- God the Absent One, God the Silent, God the Passive, God the Abandoner. Wow, I sat back and realized my list was quite negative and still filled with so much anger. I got a little quieter -- God the Suffering One, God the Patient One. Yes, there is still much ambivalence regarding my relationship to God. I have great respect for the God who has been an everpresence in my life, silently suffering alongside, and still some unresolved anger toward the God who did not directly intervene with water-parting miracles during my times of trial. And I know that suffering is a part of life. I even believe it makes us better humans and draws us closer to God. Despite knowing this, there is still a rather immature part of me that is angry because I was not spared. And I am grateful for God of Patience as this continues to be worked out.
In the midst of Fr. Martin writing about his grief regarding the problem-solving God, he began talking about "The God of Surprises." Something in me grabbed a hold -- yes, I want to be surprised by God. To not tell God how it is supposed to be, but rather be open to the unexpected.
Yesterday, I was surprised. Like good little Catholic school kids, mine celebrated Mardi Gras on Tuesday and then attended Mass for Ash Wednesday. They are learning about the purpose of Lent -- fasting, almsgiving, and prayer all for the purpose of preparation for the Easter Feast. All good stuff. But one little person in our house asked "Why forty days?" I was about to give a long theological thesis on the purpose of preparing our hearts and cleaning out the sin when my husband chimed in, "Because Jesus spent 40 days in the desert." So simple, and yet so utterly surprised by the answer. Duh, we are called to be like Jesus.
As my caffeine withdrawal headache pounds and my stomach is growling (I did consume a green smoothie last night because I could no longer complete a sentence), I was continuously brought back to Christ's days in the desert. Being tempted to eat, to drink, to satisfy his desires by his own means. Jesus remained obedient to his call. To be like Jesus and stick with something even if it does not make sense or causes great temporary discomfort. To have faith that great Joy and Peace will result despite no immediate evidence to support this.
Here I am, trying to let go and trust the process . . . and waiting to meet the God of Surprises.
Fr. Martin speaks of our quest for God and who exactly God is to us. He grew up with "God the Problem Solver." This God worked until he encountered problems that were not solved. I made my own list of gods I have relationship with -- God the Absent One, God the Silent, God the Passive, God the Abandoner. Wow, I sat back and realized my list was quite negative and still filled with so much anger. I got a little quieter -- God the Suffering One, God the Patient One. Yes, there is still much ambivalence regarding my relationship to God. I have great respect for the God who has been an everpresence in my life, silently suffering alongside, and still some unresolved anger toward the God who did not directly intervene with water-parting miracles during my times of trial. And I know that suffering is a part of life. I even believe it makes us better humans and draws us closer to God. Despite knowing this, there is still a rather immature part of me that is angry because I was not spared. And I am grateful for God of Patience as this continues to be worked out.
In the midst of Fr. Martin writing about his grief regarding the problem-solving God, he began talking about "The God of Surprises." Something in me grabbed a hold -- yes, I want to be surprised by God. To not tell God how it is supposed to be, but rather be open to the unexpected.
Yesterday, I was surprised. Like good little Catholic school kids, mine celebrated Mardi Gras on Tuesday and then attended Mass for Ash Wednesday. They are learning about the purpose of Lent -- fasting, almsgiving, and prayer all for the purpose of preparation for the Easter Feast. All good stuff. But one little person in our house asked "Why forty days?" I was about to give a long theological thesis on the purpose of preparing our hearts and cleaning out the sin when my husband chimed in, "Because Jesus spent 40 days in the desert." So simple, and yet so utterly surprised by the answer. Duh, we are called to be like Jesus.
As my caffeine withdrawal headache pounds and my stomach is growling (I did consume a green smoothie last night because I could no longer complete a sentence), I was continuously brought back to Christ's days in the desert. Being tempted to eat, to drink, to satisfy his desires by his own means. Jesus remained obedient to his call. To be like Jesus and stick with something even if it does not make sense or causes great temporary discomfort. To have faith that great Joy and Peace will result despite no immediate evidence to support this.
Here I am, trying to let go and trust the process . . . and waiting to meet the God of Surprises.
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