Book Covers/People Covers

Don’t judge a book by the cover.  Or as my oldest child who happens to be a foodie would say, “Don’t judge food based on how it looks” (this coming from the kid that eats braunschwager like its candy).  For those not familiar with braunschwager, think liverwurst.

One of the highlights of my ER job is all the interesting people and stories I get to meet.    People usually do not come into the hospital looking their best, so it is hard to imagine them outside of looking ill, injured, and broken.  But if I get past the surface, there is a wealth of stories.  The other night, I helped checked in a man who won an Academy Award.  I have taken care of a POW shot down over Munich in WWII.  I had a patient who spent a few years in a POW camp in Danang, Vietnam.   I have taken care of Holocaust survivors.  I took care of someone who rescued stranded hikers from the National parks.  On the surface, they are the forgotten elderly.  Beneath the surface lies a vast depth of wisdom.

And then there are those I am quick to judge as rude or abusing the system.  I roll my eyes and have harsh, judgmental thoughts.  But again, I do not know their story.  I learned one such person watched their parent be brutally murdered in front of them.  Others had parents reject them or die of drug overdoses.  They grew up too fast.  So many people grew up without their basic needs met.  So many people are walking around with empty holes that need to be filled.  Maybe they came into our ER because they had no one to comfort them.  On the surface, they are rude and demanding.  Beneath the surface lies a vast depth of emptiness.

In my haste to scan a situation and get a task done, I fail to engage in empathy with another human being.  I fail to step into their shoes; fail to listen and engage with their story.   There are times when I miss out on wisdom and inspiration from another.  Other times I miss out on being that bearer of comfort and compassion. 

In my own story, I am grateful for those who did not stop at the cover but took the time to read the narrative.  I have had a few covers in my life – the mischievous bully stirring trouble at school, the “tough nut to crack” pushing others away, the angry agnostic – all a distinct cover aimed to keep others at a safe distance from my private struggle.   Thankfully, there were people who did not stop at the cover, but took the risk, opened the cover and engaged with my story.

We all desire for belonging and connection with others, it is how we are wired.  We are not meant to be alone.  Healing comes through our experience of love, grace, forgiveness, and understanding in the context of relationship.  Not everyone has earned the right to see every page in of our narrative.  We reserve intimate, raw, vulnerable moments for those who have proven they can be trusted with such sacredness.  At the same time, we do not have the right to dig into others stories where we are not invited.  We are called to not stop at the cover, or at best not assume that the cover tells the whole story.