“R” as in Restoration.

I debated between two “R” words – reconciliation and restoration. Some may confuse the two. Reconciliation is the erasing of debt; the removal of the junk in our lives. Restoration is returning something or someone to their original luster and integrity.

I have a deep appreciation for antiques. Three tables in my home are over 100 years old. My dining room was my paternal grandmother's (complete with a cigarette burn in the table pad). My kitchen table was used by my parents when they first got married (and it had been passed down to them from other friends and family members). And a small drop leaf harp table was used as an eating table when my maternal grandparents were first married. When I sit at these tables, there are times when I feel a sense of connection to the history they carry. Oh the stories that must have been shared around those tables. The history only adds to the character and value of the piece.

As these antiques moved into my home, some restoration occurred. Two of the tables were covered in mold and mildew. They were carefully cleaned and refinished, but the integrity of the pieces was held together. Healing is much like restoration.

Our lives are made up of stories -- some funny, some exciting, some sad and tragic. But they are what make up our character. Some of us try and ignore the darker stories and emotions. Unfortunately, stories are a package deal. When we attempt to ignore parts, when end up ignoring the whole. If we stop feeling the pain, we also lose our capacity to feel the joy. We walk around with missing parts. In the antique world, an item loses its value if original parts are missing.

Part of healing is finding the missing parts. Sometimes the quest is restoring feelings. I remember when I began my healing process; I did not know what I was feeling. I was not being obstinate or resistant (though that was present much of the journey). I truly could not distinguish anything specific emotion from my general state of numb. I had to relearn what it meant to be glad, mad, and sad. I entered a process of restoring my ability to feel back to its original integrity.

Feeling again meant that memories came back. Feeling states were linked to various stories I had tried hard to forget. My focus had been on eradicating them. I saw no use in my wounds. In my original state, I was perfect. I believed restoring my life meant returning to a state of perfection – of erasing the baggage completely. I was wrong on all accounts.

Our wounds and our stories make up our character. If we ignore the stories with which we have shame and pain, if we delete these stories from our lives then we have lost pieces of ourselves. In our restoration, we must have an appreciation for all the stories that have made us who we are.

Appreciation is not the same as justification. There are things we have done that are wrong. We need to make amends. But we cannot erase what we have done no more than we can erase what has been done to us. But we can have compassion on ourselves – we can be merciful as Christ has shown mercy.

Restoration is finding the missing parts. It is fixing the parts that are broken or not working as they should be. Let us live whole. Let us live with integrity. Let us live restored lives.

Next . . . “S” as in Sanctity.