“V” for Vitality.

I used to say that God had to whack me upside the head with a 2’x4’ before I would to listen. I am stubborn and determined. Less pleasant words that have been used to describe me – bull-headed and strong-willed. Looking back at the context of my life’s narrative, I see it more as having a strong will to survive. I fought to feel alive. At times, I fought to stay alive.

Along the way, I have learned that mere survival is not enough, I must also thrive. In the medical and child development world there is a condition known as “Failure to Thrive.” These are children who stop growing, stop developing, and if left untreated can have fatal consequences. Often times, this is seen in cases of severe child abuse and neglect. The child simply and passively gives up on life.

A decade ago, I found myself failing to thrive. I was living in Vietnam, feeling both oppressed and attacked by the circumstances surrounding me. I reached a point where I no longer cared what happened to me. I spent my days writing dark poetry and smoking cigarettes at sidewalk cafes and my nights drinking beer at the English speaking bars. I was not actively suicidal, but I certainly was passively giving up on my life. I secretly hoped someone would do me the favor and end my misery. I can list various diagnostic criteria that would fit my condition, but this was much deeper than mental illness. I had lost my vitality; I lost my sense of purpose. I was lost in nowhere land.

Feeling nothing was awful. I was choosing to feel self-inflicted pain as opposed to feeling empty. By grace, the Shepherd heard the faint, desperate cry from me, his lost sheep, and I was found. Amazing grace. This time, it was not the usual whack upside the head that got my attention. Instead, it was a gentleness that swept over me. In that moment, I recognized that the fight for survival was actually destroying me. It was time to let the fight for survival go and reconnect with sources of vitality.

In that year, I learned there are three things I need in my life to thrive. I need intellectual stimulation. I need a couple of relationships where I can have deep, meaningful, and honest conversations. Finally, I need to have a clear sense of purpose to what I am doing. These things feed my soul. In this past year, I discovered I also need to create. When I am creating, whether it is cooking a meal, writing, or building a garden, I feel connected to the Creator. It is hard not to thrive when you are connected to the Source of life.

Thriving is about growth, survival is about staying alive. In survival mode, all energy is focused on not dying. To thrive, we must choose to connect to sources of nourishment. What feeds my soul may be different than what feeds yours. Regardless of the source, we need to be fed. Being fed is different from merely eating. Being fed recognizes our state of dependence – I cannot merely rely on my own provisions, my own thoughts, and my own company. Eventually, we exhaust the nourishment stored within ourselves. We need the offerings of others. We need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. When we are fed, we will thrive. When we are thriving, we will be able to feed others.

Next . . . “W” as in Water.